Haunted

But on top of seeming divisive, exclusionary, and self-righteous (so the lifelong bonds of childless people are chopped liver?), this vision of parental love as a kind of upgrade of regular love strikes me as inaccurate. In my experience and that of most people I know, the parent-child dynamic, for all its unique rewards and pleasures, is as ambivalent and conflicted as any other relationship in our lives. By moments we may feel infinite, selfless compassion for our children. (Look in on them when they?re sleeping?works like a charm.) But in everyday life we relate to them mostly as the same flawed, selfish, bumbling schmoes we?ve always been. I genuinely hope it?s a myth that becoming a parent somehow admits one to a society of kinder, more spiritually advanced beings, because if such a club exists, neither I nor anyone I know has even seen the door.

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